Don’t take our word for it. Take hers. Jennifer Lourie, founder of the down-to-earth, personal, and provocative blog Aloneinthebackseat.com has quickly become a rising star and expert for her honest voice (real honest) in the current, crazy world of online dating. We know dating isn’t easy. It can be painful, ego-crushing and for many -- feels like a second job.
So, Jennifer is here to ease the pain a bit by providing a series of first date turn-offs (and a few ons) that should be worked into your playbook ASAP. Here she goes...
FIRST, YOU HAVE TO ACT THE PART
Be on time! Why WHY are my dates ALWAYS late? I should have kept a tab on my personal dating data spreadsheet to figure out punctuality percentages. Would you be late for a job interview? Well, that is basically what a date is. And, if you are going to be late, don't tell me five minutes before our meeting time. Tell me at least an hour ahead of time so I am not sitting around waiting for you wasting my time. This happens to me ALL THE TIME. Stop it. The date’s over before it started.
You must compliment your date. I'll never forget this one guy - I complimented him on his shoes. I told him he looked even better than in his photos. And you know what? He did not say one single complimentary thing to me. Not one. I had put time and effort into looking good for him. I was wearing a really good outfit! And, I was having a good hair day! Lame. And, if you can't compliment me, don't even think about trying to kiss me.
Give a non-appearance related compliment. Do you think your date is funny? Is she cool? Tell her! Who doesn't need some positive reinforcement? I smile from ear-to-ear when a date tells me he has read my blog and likes my writing.
You must demonstrate enthusiasm and appreciation that you are getting to enjoy her company. I myself am extremely busy. If I am able to squeeze in time to meet someone, I want him to act like he is happy to be spending time with me. Smile! Give me eye contact! Let me get high off your vibe!
Focus on your DATE. If there is a TV in the bar that is causing you to constantly look away or you are checking your phone, you are not giving your date the attention she deserves and you are selling yourself short as a potential candidate. If you can't pay attention to her on your first encounter, how can she expect you to give her the attention she deserves at any other time? No thank you. I want to see your hands and face, not your profile.
If you enjoyed her company, tell her! Send her a nice text right after you part ways to let her know you had a good time and thank her for spending time with you. Please do not worry about being over enthusiastic or "creepy." When I left a recent date, he texted me before I was even a block away and told me "I'm so glad we met." Wow. THANK YOU.
Second of all, you have to look the part.
Do you know how much pain and suffering women have to go through to look good for you? Do you know how much money we spend on our looks? Between makeup, manicures, wrinkle prevention, pedicures, haircuts and color? My goodness. I myself have spent almost $5,000 on laser hair removal (best money I have ever spent, by the way) and I tried Botox for the first time a few months ago and spent $750 to have poison injected into my face which has now worn off already.
So listen to the Grooming Lounge and follow my tips below.
- Please don't have nails that are too long. This is #1 because it is SO EASY to remedy. Also, please do not remedy this AT WORK. Or on PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. Why do so many people clip their nails in public? WHY? Don't do it!
- If you have hair growing out of your ears or nose, I feel for you. That isn't fun. But, it needs to be addressed. Fix it! There are tools for that! Buy one. Seriously.
- If you have back hair, I am so sorry for you. You probably dislike it too and feel insecure about it. But you need to get it addressed. Start getting it waxed regularly, or better yet, get it lasered. If either of those options are too costly, a back shaver is better than nothing. Just PLEASE stay stubble free.
- Get your hair cut. Please, please don't look unkempt. How I long for a man with a nice, clean, classic haircut with a side part.
- Keep your beard in check. I don't care if you are clean-shaven or have scruff or a full beard. They are all attractive to me. Just please mind the hairs that are "outside the line." Take care of those. Also, if you could please refrain from growing your beard so long you look like an ISIS hipster (like my very first Tinder date who was also twenty minutes late), I would appreciate that.
- Finally, this is my top, number one turn off. Please PLEASE, PLEASE be mindful of your scruffy neck. I don't want to see scruff there. I want it to look like you just walked out of the barber shop EVERY DAY. Get that taken care of regularly or do it yourself at home with a trimmer.
Also, don't be afraid to wear some cologne. Mmmmm, I love that.
So, if you want that second date - be nice, look nice and smell nice. Actually, whether or not you want a second date, just do that always. We all should.