On college football Saturday, there’s a few guaranteed sights. Red cups littering the lawn, painted faces and drunk students yelling at anthropomorphized animals. These gems are our mascots—the crowd leaders and life of the party that keep us fighting for the home team until the final buzzer. But this list isn’t about just any mascots—these are the handsome mascots. These are the mascots with a certain panache that drives fans (and the ladies) absolutely wild.
Florida’s Albert Gator
There’s something uniquely striking about a man who treats his woman well. Albert Gator is one half of the iconic duo that inhabits the swampy marshes of Florida’s fields. Once he slathers on some Mug Moisturizer, Alberta can go in safely for a kiss with none of the irritation—and all the attraction of smooth, shiny scales. On his days off the field, you can find Albert treating his lady to a glass of whiskey and some smooth jazz.
Wake Forest’s Demon Deacon
Ooh, a bad boy. Demon Deacon is one handsome devil, mixing an elegant look with a brawny ride. Whether he’s revving his hog or revving the crowd, he keeps his sideburns tight with a fresh shave and Beard Master Shave Oil to improve razor glide and decrease stubble. If you’re looking to mimic his sleek style, get fitted for a custom suit with Indochino.
University of Oklahoma’s Sooner Schooner
Yee haw! Go on a ride down the Oregon Trail with the fetching Sooner Schooner– and don’t catch dysentery on the way. The Sooner Schooner is known for his white stallions, he can keep their manes healthy and flowing with The Best Shampoo. Though they’re the real attention grabbers, the Schooner itself refers to the Conestoga Wagon —a beauty of transportation innovation in its own right.
University of Colorado’s Ralphie
Drunk students and a live buffalo, what could go wrong? Fear not, Ralphie is not your average beast. With unbeatable force and a riled-up student section to match, Ralphie can turn heads (and horns) at any game. He is one handsome creature with a full, luxurious coat to match. Though, he could probably use Some Hair Cream to keep his frizz and flyaways at bay.
Oklahoma State’s Pistol Pete
No, not that one. This Pistol Pete ain’t no Yankee, and he ain’t letting the players off the field without a fight — and a lasso contest to boot. Though his rugged masculinity certainly adds to the handsomeness factor, Pete’s most striking feature is his glorious, Burt Reynolds-esque mustache. How does he keep it looking so neat? He knows there’s nothing a good mustache wax can’t do. And, really, what’s a cowboy without a ‘stache?
University of Louisiana at Lafayette’s Cayenne
Is it hot in here? Or is it just Cayenne? Bringing the spicy creole flavors of Louisiana to the field, Cayenne never disappoints with his flaming biceps and plethora of Mardi Gras beads. To keep his signature ‘do in place Cayenne could use Some Hair Goop for a strong hold without the crunch. Though, if anyone is testing his locks touchability, we’d recommend washing your hands before touching your eyes.
University of Tennessee’s Smokey
We end our list with the goodest boy around, University of Tennessee’s iconic pup Smokey. Smokey’s floppy ears and distinguished jowls make him the most handsome on our list. Plus, who can resist that wittle face? Be careful going in for a boop though unless Smokey has brushed down with Marvis toothpaste, he’s been known to go snout-deep in some barbecue and collard greens.
That ends our lineup of the most handsome college mascots around; jealous of their good looks? Fear not! You too can look just as good as a dachshund mix on the field with our exclusive line of grooming products for hair from the tip of your head to, well, you know. Find all the products mentioned in this article and more only at The Grooming Lounge.