There’s just something about the testosterone-fueled sport of hockey that makes men feel the need to prove their hair-growing chops. Plus, a mustache is always a good way to cover up some missing chompers. From long flows to patchy goatees, the NHL has seen some of the sports world’s most-outlandish grooming risks. And with a fresh NHL season dropping off this week, we’ve rounded up some grooming offenders that need some penalty box time — along with a few tips for how you can avoid looking like these hockey pros/grooming amateurs.
Goatees can get a pretty bad rap, but they don’t all have to be unattractive. Karlsson’s issue is the lack of connectivity between the mustache and chin. Plus, unruly hair on the chin makes it appear larger and longer which, which unless you’re the Crimson Chin, probably isn’t a good look . If you have this issue, but are still committed to going goatee, try faking it until you make it by keeping hair closly trimmed and brushing down that ‘stache with a beard comb.
Unfortunately for Kassian, we don’t think mutton chops are coming back anytime soon (A+ for effort and balls though). Though his chops are actually quite well-groomed, sideburns that extend past the ears are not a solid look for anyone. For a more traditional and flattering look, try using a safety razor to keep beard lines sharp, without the irritation.
There’s no shame in not being able to grow a beard. Some men are just born with the patchiness gene and it doesn’t make them any less of a man. However, if you do have this issue, it’s probably best to just keep a close shave instead of fighting nature’s path. While you’re at it, it may be best to leave the soul patch to new-age Reggae cover bands.
We’ve seen a lot of hair creativity in the past few years. From Glitter Beards to the Cavemen look, we thought we’d seen it all. We’re all for creativity, but a two-tone beard seems to be pushing it. While the Austrian Pietntner may not have made it to the NHL, we wouldn’t be doing our job if we left him off this list. When it comes to facial hair, pick a color and commit. This scraggly look could also seriously benefit from some Whisker Sauce to moisturize and condition the hair and underlying skin.
There is nothing wrong with a bold mustache. The problem with Parros however, is that his heavy ‘stache turns downwards, pulling his whole face with it and giving off a disgruntled look. To lift it back up and put some more life to his look, Parros should check out a mustache wax for a simple style improvement. If Jonathon Van Ness can do it, anyone can.
McDonald’s mustache looks like it’s about to take flight off of his face. While we have to say we’re in awe of its sheer volume, a voluptuous mustache can overtake the face and overwhelm your other features. To help tame the frizz, try a Beard Grooming Oil for silky softness. Plus, a trim probably wouldn’t hurt either.
Sure we understand the tradition of a playoff haircut (or lack thereof), but Kane’s mullet and beard are not a good combo. If you’re committed to the aesthetic, at least keep the “party in the back” well groomed. With Some Hair Cream, gents can keep their look smooth, while still drawing odd looks from fans and teammates.
*Disclaimer: While a lot of these facial hair formations are against general good grooming rules — we have to say that the wackier the better in some cases. We might not love the looks, but give every one of these chaps credit for taking a chance and probably not caring what we or anyone else says about them.
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