What’s the best and worst way for a guy to hang onto his sunglasses when he’s not wearing them?
After countless broken and forgotten pairs of Oakleys, Ray Bans and Knockarounds, it still never occurred to us to question our methods. So we borrowed, without permission, this insight from the brilliant Drew Magary from Deadspin (he wrote about it in his “Adequate Man” column). Here’s Drew’s answer:
“I hang mine from the neck of my shirt UNLESS I happen to have a breast pocket handy, like on a dress shirt or a polo shirt. Then I keep those sunglasses right next to my manboob. Drives the ladies WILD. It’s also convenient and eliminates the risk of a hinge on one of the temples grabbing a stray chest hair and somehow ripping it out (this has happened to me!). If it makes me look like a dipshit, well, my face has already made preventing that impossible regardless. I prize convenience over looks, which is why I’m wearing pilled-up track pants as we speak. If you saw me right now, you’d cross the avenue to avoid coming within a five-yard radius of me. Here’s how I would rank them:
FROM BEST TO WORST:
1) Top of the head/hat
2) Neck of your shirt
3) Tucked into breast pocket
4) Tucked into cargo shorts pocket… HELL YEAH
5) Forehead. Somehow my forehead is too flat to make this possible for me
6) Tucked into your waistband. Like a six-shooter, baby.
7) Hanging from CROAKIES. So cool! Very modern look. I told you I’m a slave to practicality and yet even I wouldn’t dare to wear Croakies: the beer coozie of sunglass storage. That’ll change if I ever own a speedboat.
8) Back of the head. I’m not lying when I tell you I had never done this. I tried it just now and it feels weird. That’s not where glasses go, man. Please remand this entry to the very bottom of the list if your sunglasses are also upside-down back there, like you think your head is a convertible.
9) On top of a VISOR. What is a visor, really, but a shelf for knockoff Oakleys? Some visors ARE sunglasses, which is just the sharpest look. If you ever want to be mistaken for a Sarasota tennis instructor, this is your look.”
Thanks to Drew Magary from Deadspin for unknowingly letting us showcase his thoughts. He’s wittier than we are.