Just returned from New York after two days of shooting product images for our 2012 Catalog. Great creative team putting it together, awesome photographer, inspiring city and unfortunately… the grossest hotel experience of my life. Here’s how this Grooming Guy overcame a tragic mis-booking (not sure how AMEX gave it 3.5 stars and it was $300+) and lived to tell about it:
THE STENCH: Immediately upon entering the prison-cell-sized room, the smell of countless hours of cigarette smoke surrounded me and caused some tears (allergy — not sadness induced). After calling the front desk and being informed that the only “non-smoking” room available had no air conditioning, realized a huge Molton Brown Black Pepper Candle was in my bag for day #2 of the shoot. Lit that sucker up and stepped out for a few sleep-inducing beers. Marlboro was no match for Black Pepper.
THIN SHEETS: When the actual mattress can be seen through the sheets… that’s a problem. There is a solution though, especially if pride isn’t a factor. Simply put a pair of clean socks on your hands and remove all existing sheets and comforters, then call the front desk and request a set of four clean sheets. Once cleanliness of new sheets is confirmed, mummify mattress and pillows and that bed is good to go. That’s how it went down.
NASTY FLOORS: Although camouflaged within a dark palette of dizzying colors, the room’s floors were certainly up to no good. That’s when one needs to “build a bridge.” Through a combination of fresh towels laid out to span the distance between bed and bathroom (and of course, wearing socks and shoes whenever possible), I was able to avoid any direct foot-to-floor contact.
TAKING A SHOWER: Not even an option at this joint, but nothing a $20 bill and an iPhone can’t fix. After checking out and fleeing the scene suitcase in hand, I Googled “luxury health clubs,” walked a block to one and told the attendant my sob story. That, combined with an “Andrew Johnson” handshake enabled me to use a private shower and literally and figuratively wash away the remnants of the previous night.
All in all, about five hours of sleep and although the painful memories remain, the catalog is going to look great. Hotel refund in progress.