Properly Grooming The Presidential Candidates

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While Grooming Lounge is not affiliated with a particular political party, we do support the platform of “Good Grooming.” Defining this platform is the idea that when a President and Vice President look good, they feel good too, leading to a happier country, more confident constituents, better healthcare, less international strife, less partisanship, etc.

So, for the 3rd consecutive election year, our team of experts has volunteered to act as pro-bono political consultants for both parties, offering up grooming suggestions for each of the candidates. Here are those suggestions:

Mitt Romney
– Focus on His Dome-State: While its conservative nature might be a hit with key constituents, Mr. Romney’s hair is way too “helmet-like” to appeal to fringe or wavering younger demographics. A solid haircut aimed at reducing overall bulk would make him look more “main street” and “of the people.”
Eyebrows of Mass Destruction: Our research shows that seven of the last eight elections have been won by the candidate with more well-groomed groomed eyebrows. Mr. Romney needs to do some tidying of those caterpillars to grab an edge.

Barack Obama
– His Re-Election Campaign Shouldn’t Look So Grey: The stress and strain of the job has understandably turned his hair grey – particularly the temple areas. While coloring his entire head would be a bit too noticeable and drastic, we recommend some strategic ‘grey blending’ to re-emphasize the President’s ability to handle pressure, fly below the stress and connect with younger voters.
– Don’t Tow The Party Fine Lines: Compare a current photo of the President to one from his inauguration and you’ll notice he’s added several items to his face – namely serious under-eye bags and crow’s feet. While some are clearly a result of aging, our guess is most are stress-induced and can be minimized with targeted eye creams. People want their leader to work hard, but feel uncomfortable following one who looks like he’s pulled consecutive all-nighters.

Paul Ryan
– Don’t Wear The Same Hel-Mitt: While younger and less grey, Mr. Ryan’s hair is almost identical to his running mate’s. Mixing things up a bit by avoiding the “political part” and taking some of the bulk off the top could expand the appeal of the Republican ticket.
– Stay Away From the Dark Side: He’s a real handsome guy, but there’s no denying the appearance of some tired-looking, raccoon-like eyes. He could lighten his perceived load and appear more refreshed via some targeted eye services and products.

Joe Biden
– He’s Got a Hair Don’t: Vice President Biden really has some hair challenges. He’s got way too much and fly-aways all the way around. A real hair style is needed to clean up that “rat’s nest” of sorts. A more refined coif will lead to a more “put together” and less “off-the-cuff” view of Biden and his comments.
– The Vote Is Neck & Neck: Mr. Biden needs to take a trimmer to his neckline. Voters want someone who pays attention to the details… like too much hair on the back of their necks or saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

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One Comment

  1. Posted October 3, 2012 at 10:09 PM | Permalink

    Eyebrows and presidential elections. Actually, Gore DID win the popular vote. Bush stole the election through a Supreme Court ruling on a technicality. So your prediction in that election was correct.

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    Michael Gilman is Founder of The Grooming Lounge, the country's premiere destination for men's grooming products, services and advice. In this blog he'll talk about his business, customer service, the gentlemanly arts and whatever is currently bothering him.

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