Washington, D.C.’s Own Grooming Lounge Votes for a Better-Groomed President
We may not be affiliated with a particular political party, but our team here at Grooming Lounge does support the platform of “Good Grooming.” Defining this platform is the idea that when a President and Vice President look good, they feel good too, leading to a happier country, more confident constituents, better healthcare, less international strife, less partisanship, etc.
For the 4th consecutive election year, we’re acting as pro-bono political consultants for both parties, offering up grooming suggestions for each of the candidates. These suggestions are designed to bolster each candidate’s image, and if followed, are certain to lead to election and ultimately, a successful presidency.
“As the grooming resource for many of the members of the Congress and Senate, we’re considered experts on polishing images,” said a guy named Steve at Grooming Lounge. “We feel it is our civic duty to help these candidates look their best. We can almost guarantee the ticket that follows our advice will be sitting pretty in the White House next year.”
One thing we take into consideration is “The Eyebrow Index,” noting that seven of the past eight elections have been won by the candidate with the best-groomed eyebrows, which bodes particularly well for Obama this year.
Some additional insight and tips from our team for each candidate:
Ron Paul: “Dr. No” needs to say yes to eye cream to help with under-eye bags. It’s been a long campaign, but applying a targeted eye cream will help Dr. Paul retain his focus and continued appeal to young voters. The (Malin+Goetz) Cannabis Candle is a great way for the doc to de-stress while still keeping his anti-drug message in mind.
Newt Gingrich: The former Speaker of the House has had the same hair style for three decades. He needs to spice up his signature salt-and-pepper look with a low-shine hair cream and precision cut. Any kind of shake-up would be worth it right now to grab some press for his campaign. Perhaps some grey blending could turn the tide.
Mitt Romney: Aside from “eyebrows of mass destruction” (historically, furry eyebrows never win), the Republican front-runner also has some emerging worry lines on his forehead. Taking preventative measures by using a quality anti-aging cream will help Mitt hide his age and maybe grab back some of the youth vote. Seeing a professional for some eyebrow maintenance is highly recommended.
Barack Obama: The President needs to cut out some gray and minimize his eye-bags. One or two detoxifying masks should help reinvigorate the well-groomed, winning mug of ’08. Some grey blending will show he hasn’t succumb to the stress of the last four years.